Why I Couldn’t Date A Black Woman
Geplaatst op 17-12-2024
Categorie: Lifestyle
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Nearly every time anybody finds out that my father is Black, the conversation inevitably shifts to my dating preferences and whether I’d ever date a Black woman. And my answer? Well, I usually just shrug it off with something like, “I haven’t disappointed enough white women yet.” While that’s a decent joke, it doesn’t really address any concrete reasons rooted in sound logic.
So one day, while eating things Black people love – like fried chicken and mac and cheese with an irresponsible amount of cheese – I decided to sit down and actually think about it. Was there any real reason I wouldn’t? I dug deep. And then, like divine intervention, it hit me.
What? I’m getting there. Be patient.
It hit me like Kirk Franklin yelling “Stomp!” on a Sunday morning. My Spotify shuffled to a gospel classic, and the reasons began flowing like Alizé at a 90s backyard BBQ. Allow me to explain myself…
1. I Couldn’t Win Any Arguments.
Have you ever tried arguing with a Black woman? It’s a battle you don’t want. Not only are her rebuttals razor sharp, but by the time she’s done, you’ll question your entire existence, family lineage, and why you thought you were right in the first place. My fragile ego simply isn’t built for that kind of warfare. I need an opponent I can at least go toe-to-toe with, not someone who can end my argument with just “Oh, that’s what we’re doing now?”
2. She’d Roast Me In Front Of My Friends.
You ever been lovingly insulted by a Black woman? There’s an art form to it. It’s a beautiful balance of humor, truth, and embarrassment that will have everyone else laughing while you’re left questioning why you wore those jeans in the first place. I can already hear her: “Look at you looking like a divorced middle school science teacher.” My pride can’t handle public roasting, no matter how much love is behind it.
3. I’d Have To Step Up My Cooking Game.
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that a Black woman’s standards for food are unmatched. I can’t just throw some store-bought lasagna in the oven and call it a day. Oh no, I’d have to learn how to properly season my food, not burn the mac and cheese, and make collard greens taste like they were slow-cooked by someone’s Big Mama. I’d have to level up to keep up, and my culinary skills simply aren’t ready.
4. She’d Outdress Me Every Time.
I know I’d be walking into any room looking like her personal assistant while she’s out here serving looks. She’d pull up in heels that defy gravity, makeup that’s flawless, and an outfit that could stop traffic. Meanwhile, I’d be standing next to her like I just rolled out of bed, wondering if the wrinkles in my shirt were that obvious. I’m not ready to be upstaged every day of my life.
5. Her Family Wouldn’t Like Me.
Not immediately, at least. Her mama would eye me like I just borrowed her car without asking, her daddy would sit in silence, daring me to blink first, and her cousins would be grilling me with questions I don’t know how to answer. “What are your intentions with her?” “Can you fix a car?” “Do you even know how to play spades?” I already know I’d fumble every response, and they’d give her the “You can do better” look before dessert hit the table.
6. I’d Have To Stop Playing Around With My Hairline.
Listen, Black women don’t play about hair, and I’d have to start respecting my own. I couldn’t walk around looking like my barber lined me up with a butter knife and still expect her to hold my hand in public. She’d take one look at my half-cooked fade and say, “Who hurt you? Do better.” If my hairline’s future wasn’t secure, neither would my relationship be.
Now, don’t take this as me saying no one should date Black women. Black women are amazing, magical, and phenomenal in every way. I just know myself. I’m fragile. I’m lazy. And I’d have to level up in ways I’m just not ready for yet. But who knows? One day, when I’m man enough, I’ll be ready to accept the challenge.
Until then… I’ll just stay in my lane, admiring Black queens from afar.